#52 - A Spiral Staircase
Much to my surprise, I found myself laboring in the service of a cat not long ago. The cat was not even my cat. She took a comfortable, fluffy pose, tail wrapped around her toes, at a prominent observation point, and she had that maddening look of amusement on her face that only a cat can affect.
The cat, her name was Misfit, had good reason to be amused; the whole neighborhood had turned out. The occasion was the installation of her new spiral staircase. Up till now, Misfit had had some worrisome difficulties negotiating the heights from the shed roof just under her apartment bedroom window, her preferred exit from the house. She had gained a little weight since retiring from her career as a stray cat, and her feet were killing her. A 10-foot jump was a little much to ask of old pussy toes, so a spiral staircase seem to be the answer.
"Could a cat even be enticed into a spiraling mode of descent?” was my question, as I was the one who had fashioned the structure. I felt confident a cat might recognize it as a way down to the ground, but was there really a need to make the 13 steps I calculated it would take? Or might the cat simply take to the air, halfway down, as cats are often known to do? Then again there was the problem of ascent upon return from a bird-watching trip through the hedges, so I guessed I had better trouble with all the 13 steps called for.
Now, as I swung from a ladder, Misfit made her smiling assessment of this new development, just the tip of her tail twitching lightly. Was it a measure of her approval, or a sign of her annoyance at all the fuss in her normally peaceful backyard? I couldn't be certain; besides, I was momentarily occupied with screws and brackets and eyeball judgments of perpendicularity.
Misfit’s kind landlady, who had arranged for all of this, dutifully held the ladder and handed up tools. The cat’s thankful mistress (who was the landlady’s tenant) looked on, first from the bedroom window, then from the lawn, talking to the lucky cat in encouraging tones. Neighbors gathered to chuckle with folded arms, and two delighted little girls looked on enthusiastically. For them, a spiral staircase for a cat made plenty of sense. I still wasn't so sure. That tail was twitching.
As the work progressed, however, it became more and more apparent to me that our audience really didn't care whether or not this fluffy pink and gray cat would use the staircase; it was the idea of it that was so amusing. Misfit’s landlady would benefit most. Living next door, she could watch the cat’s spiraling comings and goings from her kitchen window, or at least she hoped to, and there would be the added satisfaction of knowing her tenants were happier. Misfit’s mistress, for her part, could take pleasure in this switch to good fortune for her poor cat whom she had rescued from an ignominious end under a neighborhood porch. The whole notion of this "rags to riches” pussy, tiptoeing down her staircase, was what intrigued us all. The two little girls, of course, must have had fairytale visions of their pussycat friend descending the stairs in an evening gown, dripping with diamonds, her paw trailing on the banister.
At long last, the job was done. The moment we all had anticipated was at hand. Would Misfit cooperate? Her mistress gathered her up, explaining the cat’s disdain for being handled (a throwback to her days under the porch perhaps). The cat’s eyes glared, her legs stiffened, and she was gently deposited on the 7th step. The choice was hers - she could go up, or she could go down. She was among friends and could do anything she pleased.
Well, Misfit wasn't pleased. To be the focus of so much attention was not her style. Her amusement turned to annoyance, and she twitched her tail several times more. Just like a cat, any uncooperative cat, she jumped down and trotted off through the bushes. In her own sweet time - that was her choice.
I was not surprised a day or two later when I received a note from Misfit’s landlady, telling me the staircase was a success in the end. When no one was around, Misfit had made her first spiraling descent. She used all 13 steps.